I’m sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for my diagnosis. My heart is pounding and I can feel my face is hot and red. I rub my hands together, then on my shorts, to wipe the sweat away. I take a few deep breaths, in hopes to calm myself down. My Garmin tells me that my heart-rate is 98. Breathe in. 97. Breathe out. 96. I manage to get my heart-rate down to 60 before a knock on the door spikes it again. At this point, there is no calming it down. “You need to take 3 more weeks off,” she says while I fight back tears, “You don’t have a stress fracture, but your shin is irritated and you need to rest.”

I nod and head home. I’m slightly frustrated because I was just coming back from my fall injury and starting to feel confident in my running again. But in hindsight, I think I was doing too much for my shins to handle.

The pain started a few weeks ago, and when it didn’t go away, I took a few days off and it got better, then eventually went away, so I kept running. Then one day, after doing hill repeats the day before, my shin hurt so bad that I couldn’t walk. That began my time off. I haven’t ran in a whole month. And if you were here last time around, that’s kind of concerning, but I promise that I am doing better than last year. I’m still able to bike and lift, just no running or jumping!

The past month I’ve fallen in love with HIIT workouts and push-ups. I don’t know that I’ve ever said I love push-ups before lol but here we are! The past month has taught me so much. I have a deeper appreciation for running and I can say that honestly I think my goals are starting to change. I don’t have a huge desire to break my 5k PR anymore and getting a BQ (Boston Qualifier) doesn’t really seem as important to me anymore. I’m sure one day I’ll get back to that mindset, but for now, I’m working out because I love it and I’m not dying to run every single day.

My personality has drastically changed. I am constantly thinking about how I can make my life better and healthier. Not focusing on my running goals has, oddly enough, made my life so much better. I used to be so focused on getting faster and it consumed me. It was my whole personality. But now, I find myself wanting to go for a lunch bike ride or a morning HIIT workout outside because it makes me feel good, not because it is going to make me look a certain way or run a certain time.

I can say without a doubt, this is the happiest I’ve ever been. And I know what you’re thinking “but what about running?” Running will always be a part of my life. And just like life has ups and downs and good and bad seasons, my relationship with running is the same way. I wasn’t super into it for a few years, but my last 3 years of college I was so focused that my mind and body honestly needed this break.

This injury has been a blessing in disguise and has shown me that there is so much more to life than hitting PR’s and running marathons.